


White Room + Cold + Memory

by EWM



Series: Whumptober2020  (MyfirstWhumptober!!) [8]
Category: MacGyver (TV 2016)
Genre: Abandonment, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angus MacGyver (MacGyver TV 2016) Whump, Drugged Angus MacGyver (MacGyver TV 2016), Emotional Whump, F/M, Gen, Hurt Angus Macgyver (Macgyver 2016), Memory Loss, Poor Angus MacGyver (MacGyver TV 2016), Scared Angus MacGyver (MacGyver TV 2016), Torment, Torture, Whumptober, Whumptober 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:28:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26904397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EWM/pseuds/EWM
Summary: Okay so this was written for Day 8 of Whumptober 2020, this is part of a much wider story (Assignment + Hospital + History -for the rest of it). In this part Mac is locked in a white room after an overdose of ECT and nothing but his own thoughts and he starts to spiral...Feedback is very much appreciated, let me know what you think.No 8. WHERE DID EVERYBODY GO?“Don’t Say Goodbye” | Abandoned | Isolation
Relationships: Jack Dalton & Angus MacGyver (MacGyver TV 2016)
Series: Whumptober2020  (MyfirstWhumptober!!) [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1995484
Comments: 6
Kudos: 13





	White Room + Cold + Memory

Mac screamed and screamed when the electricity went through his head. The session with the ECT had never lasted as long before. They pumped so much of the stuff into his mind that he got a nose bleed and went hoarse. At one point they put a gag in his mouth as Severin worried that he might scream the place down or bite his tongue (a rare moment of charity). When Tristan pulled the electrodes away from his head, Mac couldn’t think anymore. There was pain everywhere, everything hurt, even blinking hurt, how could blinking hurt? He couldn’t see straight or really walk. When Tristan undid the restraints he didn’t react, his stilling healing hand twitched a bit and that was all, he didn’t react when Tristan dragged his body off the table and into a waiting wheel chair. As the wheelchair began to move, he reacted a little bit, he twitched trying to move, but Tristan pushed him firmly back into the wheelchair. The fight in him was all gone, he was just confused all over again

 _“Where are you taking me??”_

_“What happened? Why am I here?”_

_“You had another session, Mr Norris. You became violent, you had an extra dose of ECT, doctors orders. Don’t you remember?”_

Mac shook his head

_“Your doctor said you needed it, to calm you, to help with your depression. Don't you recall any of that? You were very willing to undergo the procedure”_

Mac shook his head again, god his head ached, his whole body ached. He rubbed his eyes trying to recall something, anything from the past few days. He remembered Tristan and Severin and the abuse they gave him, everything they had drilled into him, but that had been in his head for months. What else?? He just got stabbing pains when he tried to recollect something, anything. His heart felt like it was going at hyper speed as well. He just sat with his head in his hands as Tristan wheeled him along, willing his memories to come, but they of course didn’t. Tristan stopped at a large reinforced door with a small window at the top, he pushed Mac to move and stand up which he did awkwardly. Tristan took the huge set of keys on his belt and opened the door, it was a white room, and padded everywhere. He pushed Mac inside, Mac groaned as he fell forward, he sat up pleading with Tristan

_“Why are you putting me in here? What have I done?”_

_“This is the doctors orders, isolation so you can recover.”_

_“Wait, please. I’m sure, I don’t need to be here, I can recover in my room, please. I’ll behave, I promise. I won’t do anything to upset or anger anyone. I won't make any noise.”_ Mac forced himself up and tried to move towards the door, but Tristan pushed him back once again. Mac fell on his back with a cry, he felt pain shoot up his foot, but he couldn't even remember how he'd hurt it in the first place. Tristan followed him into the room

 _“Look, you behave and you’ll be out of here in no time. But if you don’t, your visit is going to be extended. You understand??”_ Tristan walked slowly towards Mac, Mac responded by shuffling away from Tristan as fast he as could and resting his back against the wall. He nodded furiously at Tristan, too frightened and in too much pain to say anything. Tristan smiled down at Mac, who looked so very small beneath him. Then he turned around, as Tristan got to the door Mac risked one question

_“Who put me in? Please tell me.”_

_“Dr Kauffman, she’s new, she said it would help you.”_ With that Tristan left and slammed the door behind mind, locking the rusty old lock. Then Mac was alone.

Dr Kauffman? The young doctor? Why would she? He’d spoken to her? All his memories were so fuzzy. She’d be kind to him, though why would she send her him here? Why? What had he done to her? He must have done something to be sent here. He always did something wrong, something in his was broken, he’d heard that so often in the past year. He was broken inside and out, he needed to be fixed, Should he be fixed? Could he be fixed? Was he really so poisonous? He must be, that’s why the young doctor sent him here, because he’d acted out, because of his depression. Depression that was a funny word, considering what it meant.

Mac looked up and around, the room was very white…well grey was more accurate. It looked like it had been used in while, most of the padding had a layer of dust on it. He sneezed, his body tensing, he lifted his foot involuntarily and groaned. The stitching on some parts of the padding was going too, like it hadn’t been replaced in a long time. It did not make Mac feel any better about where he was. He hated the idea of being stuck down here; alone. But of course he was alone and it was for his own benefit or so Tristan said, but then Tristan was…Tristan was cruel, he’d always been cruel, for as long Mac’s damaged memory lasted, Tristan had always been vicious. The beatings, the taunts, Tristan seemed to revel in the torture of him…him, he couldn’t even remember his own name. Tristan and Severin called him Mr Norris, but...was that even right? It felt wrong somehow. Mac thought he should be able to remember his own name, a name was an important part of you, surely? A name your family gave you, it was something you were born with, a name your father gave you or your mother.

Mac tried to think of his family, but it just produced more pain in his head. Nothing was there, just blackness, surely he must have a family? Or had one? Were they the ones that sent him here? Was he that broken that his own family had abandoned him? No, it couldn’t be that, maybe he had been abandoned, he was broken, that was the doctors had told him, broken inside and out, broken inside and out, that was why he was here. His family left him because…well because they didn’t want him. And who would want him? He couldn’t even remember his own name, his own anything. He wondered if he would even know his family now or if they would know him?

If he could fix himself maybe his family would take him back? Wasn’t that what Severin said? that he could remake him? Maybe he could fix himself and it would make him better and not so…in pieces and then people would start wanting him again and would stop leaving him. Everyone had left him, how else could he have ended up here, in a white room all by himself. His mind drifted to the young doctor again, had she really put him in here? What had he done to make her so angry at him that she had left him too? He must have done something, maybe he'd said something or didn’t say something at the right time. Maybe he had somehow managed to upset her. She'd been so kind to him, he looked at his hand, she’d fixed that for him, he’d could remember that. She’d been so gentle, so soft with him, but maybe that was what she was like with all the patients, that must be it of course. She was a doctor after all, she was doing her job, there wasn’t anything special about her treatment of him. He didn’t mean anything to her…although her kindness had been nice, maybe if he was good, she’d be nice to him again or he could make her like him even? He’d like to have a friend in this place or at least someone who wasn’t disgusted by him.

He could swear that he had had more than one conversation with her, they’d spoken again after she’d fixed his hand? If only he could remember, he’d at least be able to understand something! Anything, he missed that, understanding things, he liked knowing stuff or at least he thought he did. He used to be able to fix things, he could fix anything he recalled, obviously not himself though…he couldn’t fix that. That’s why he was here after all….maybe if he was really good and really quiet, he remembered that Tristan and the other guards hated noise, they would come back and get him, then he could speak to the nice lady doctor again and apologise for whatever mistake he had made. Maybe he could fix that….

One thing was that everyone had abandoned him, even his tormenters in this white room. Tristan was gone and so was Severin, there was no punches or cattle prods, no anything really. Just whiteness and dust…Mac decided he liked the whiteness after all, even the broken stitching. He could be okay with all that, maybe this isolation was a good thing? It was quiet after all, no one here, absolutely no one to talk to him or ask him questions. Just four walls and his broken head to keep him company. As the hours passed Mac’s confused mind stared at the walls, he started counting the lines of the stitching, 227 in all, although he couldn’t count each stich, his eyes weren’t good enough for that. Each of the lines seemed different from the next, like they had a personality, like they were saying hello to him in a slightly different way. Mac was glad of the company of the lines, they weren’t very judgy or cruel. They didn’t say mean things to him, they just said hello and that was that, he said hello back a couple of times and it was quiet. The room also got colder, Mac pulled his legs up and wrapped his arms around himself to try and keep warm. He couldn’t remember being this cold before…he didn’t like being cold, it made his foot worse and his head .

He managed to himself onto his side and make the ball tighter, he shut his eyes and told himself. I can fix this, I will, I’ll fix it so they like me again, so they won’t leave me again, I’ll be good and make myself anew, I’ll fix all the broken bits and put them back together so they won’t be angry any more, I can fix this, I will, I’ll fix it so they like me again, so they won’t leave me again. He repeated it again and again until he drifted off into an uncomfortable, shivering sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> So I feel like I should clarify, I know ECT isn't a bad thing and does actually help people. I was just intrigued by the idea that sometimes it causes memory loss and what it would do to Mac who's mind is pretty damaged by this point. What do you guy's think of the madness and Mac's descent?? 
> 
> I am also saying apologies for offence/medical errors (although I tried to read about ECT for context, I made the above scene up)


End file.
